Thursday, August 4, 2011

Unsettled to be Settled.

Our last day in St. Louis we went to the Cheesecake factory.  It was soo good! The cheesecake was wonderful and I was just so happy to be there with Trey and Madison and Taylor.

These were the cheesecakes at the front - I mean just soo tempting!

Me and Taylor in our booth - check out his hand on my arm.  I mean if that doesn't make you sad to leave and go to Baylor - I don't know what does.  I mean seriously is that not the sweetest thing in the world!  I am in love! and let me tell you one thing about it - I am so in utter bliss right now.  There is no doubt in my mind that everyone needs to feel like this in their life.  Everyone!  And I am so happy that I get to feel like this with Taylor.

We split the Key Lime cheesecake - it was really good - but even with both of us - we didn't and couldn't finish it all!!  It was soo good!

We went to the Arch and waited for 2 hours to get up in it!  It was so fun - while waiting we went to Bass Pro Shop.  I have NEVER been an outside camp kind of girl - but I walk in that store and I'm happy.  Why?  Because my man likes that store.  I felt like I was in Heaven - yah don't ask me why it was so weird.  But it was fun!

Here we are standing in line for the arch - I had so much fun with him this day!  It was amazing.  I will never forget it!

And here he is being goofy with the Park Ranger - He wanted to try on the hat so he let him!  How precious - I think it kind of suits him.

Long Story short - I had a blast in St. Louis and I am blissfully happy with Taylor!  I am so excited!!

Now for the real deal...

I am supposed to be moving to Baylor for Grad School on Monday.  How do I even begin to describe to you the knots, pain, and sadness that are in my stomach right now.  I miss Taylor and I am with him every night.  I don't want to be 8 hours away from him right now.  I want to be home.  My sisters are growing up and one day I won't get to watch Laura Leigh on the sidelines cheering or Molly Anne on Pom Squad.  There have got to be opportunities here right?  There has to be another way.

I have been praying and searching and begging God to give me an answer.  Actually, I have been praying all summer for the answer I wanted, Abby stay in Little Rock.  That is not the answer I got.  God has been laying it on my heart to go to Waco and it has been very evident.  However, I do not want to go.

I feel like Jonah (sort of).  God asked him to go to Nineveh and he turned the other way and instead of going where God wanted him to go, he fled, and God got his attention big time!  I do not want to be swallowed by a whale I can tell you that much.

Jonah 1:3 said and Jonah ran away from the Lord.

First off - how are you going to run from the Lord!  He is omnipresent - pretty sure that means he is EVERYWHERE!  But how true is that.  How many times do we run from what the Lord wants us to do.  I know I have done it and it's ended in destruction.

I don't want that for my life - so I will go to Waco.  But it is with an unsettled heart and a torn stomach that I go.

How are you supposed to feel joyful and at peace with a decision that rips you apart from the people you love most in your life?  How do you cope with that?

Nehemiah 8:10 says:  Do not mourn or weep, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.

WOW!  can you imagine Jesus' joy?  Can you even fathom the God of the universe and how great his joy is.  When I think about how great God's joy is and how that is our strength - for some reason I think of Monster's Inc and the laugh-o-meter at the end.  The children's laughter brought the whole city energy and power.  That might be a silly example, but that is what came to my mind.

A good friend of mine from school recently wrote on my blog, so I decided to go read hers and then call her.  you can read it here.  Beware!  It could be crazy haha.  She has so much joy in heart and she was my roommate, a great one at that, freshman year.  Well, she has been praying about her next move in life - and she is headed to Australia.  I mean I'm crying about WACO - she's halfway around the world.

She gave me some good advice:

When you first learn to walk - you fall.  When you first learn to ride a bike without your parents holding on - you fall.  When you first try and do anything: play a sport, draw a picture, sing - it's not going to be great.  You have to continue to work at it and try again - but you always get up and start again.  Thats how you can run now, and you can paint a picture, or you can ride a bike up and down hills.  Going to Baylor is like that.  You are starting something new.  You are learning a new "trade".  And with that new thing - you might fall.  You might hate it.  But you might surprise yourself and succeed.

So I have two verses for you:

Romans 12:12

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

And Also:

Phillipians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I can tell you one thing - I have been praying and praying and praying about this decision.  
I do not want to go - but I am going to rejoice in the hope that something better is right around the corner.  And I am going to patiently get through this time in my life and with that I'm going to be praying that something happens that brings me home.

I am going to miss this little girl right here!  A lot.  I do not want to miss out on my sister's growing up.  I don't.  

I might just stay.  

Have some bliss for me,


  1. Abby,

    I saw your blog on Facebook and I know how you feel. I didn't go as far as you though, but I went to Fayetteville for grad school all alone. Living alone, knowing pretty much no one.

    I have some advice for you. Get out and do stuff in your new home. Go for walks, go for drives, try new places to eat, to shop. If you just sit in your apartment alone, you will never fall in love with your new place in life. If you get out, experience it, meet people everywhere (I know you are a talker, just talk to everyone), you will eventually love the place where God is sending you.

    It will be hard. You will fee lonely, sad, confused (or at least I did!). But whenever you feel sad or lonely, know you have two choices: be sad and lonely, or find an adventure. Get out and explore. Find the best place to watch the sunset. Find the best cup of coffee. Find the best walking/running trail. Find the cutest local boutique. Don't let yourself stay in and get sad.

    That is my advice on being in a new place all alone. It is an adventure, you just have to look at it that way!

  2. Brittney - Thank you so much! Those are some wise words! I will definitely remember that! I am making a to-do list for my first week so we will see how far I get in that - hopefully by setting some goals I will be able to keep my mind off of being there alone!

  3. I'm cheering you on! Thanks for the shoutout. :) Ditto to what Brittney said. Give yourself a blog mission... finding a great place to run, best place to have coffee, meet your neighbors and bring them cupcakes, and then blog about it. Pretty soon you'll have a whole blog list of reasons why it's ok to be in Waco. I hear where you're coming from, though. My mom was in tears this morning because I'm leaving next week. Don't expect it to be easy, but expect it to be worth it. :) Love you. Call me this week!